Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I am available for nakedness
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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