I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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