why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
