I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
