I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
