i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize
