cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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