Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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