Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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