Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
