YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
