Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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