Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
