I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
