just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
