i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
