If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
