Where did you get a picture of my penis
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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