He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I wish you could order shots online.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
