amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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