Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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