He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
