seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
