i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
