found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
