I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
dude. I can hear the air.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
