it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
