I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
