i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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