Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
