It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
