You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
