I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
