Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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