Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
