so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i love accidental penises.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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