I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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