I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
