Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry tossedsalad hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(312): View more from Illinois

We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.

Fav 12 1449 1535
share tweet
(330): View more from Ohio

It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table

Fav 24 1288 4199
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(435): View more from Utah

Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'

Fav 26 2811 8428
share tweet
(503): View more from Oregon

we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.

Fav 63 21320 1640
share tweet
(210): View more from Texas

Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously

Fav 21 2613 4574
share tweet
(816): View more from Missouri

I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.

Fav 25 6134 1423
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(918): View more from Oklahoma

It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.

Fav 8 3592 1305
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(717): View more from Pennsylvania

My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.

Fav 3 606 288
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(315): View more from New York

Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch

Fav 0 30 14
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT