I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
