I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
FUCK WHALES
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
