i just wanna soil my oats bro
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
