Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
