Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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