I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
