I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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