So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
