she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
