toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Semen is not good for contacts.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
