yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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