Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
