how can u be prego again
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
